What We Can’t “Be With” Runs Our Lives

I don’t like to sit still. With all the things I have to do, and want to do, I would rather “Be in action”, move forward and focus on options.

This usually works well for a time, but then I might start to feel dissatisfied, like there is something in the way of my life flowing smoothly… but I don’t quite know what it is. So I get curious. What am I resisting? What is it that I need to “Be With”?

For example, in the past, I have procrastinated writing a speech because I was nervous about delivering it. So this fear was always in the back of my mind, like a boulder blocking my path that I had to continually take the time and energy to avoid. When I figured out what I was really resisting, it’s that I don’t want to fail. But until I can experience fully what failure may mean to me, and all the emotions associated with it, I’ll experience this fear at a low level all the time.

Whether it is failing, disappointing others, anger or seductiveness, there are things each of us can’t “be with”. Imagine how many boulders might be on your path and the energy it takes to go around them. If we avoid failure at all costs, for example, we cut ourselves off from what might be possible if we tried something new, took risks or moved forward anyway and dealt with the consequences.

As human beings, we often resist going down the dark, fearful paths in our lives, nervously anticipating the awful monsters we might encounter along the way. We want to stay in the familiar, no matter how unhappy we may be, because it is safe and comfortable. We resist going to a better place in our life because it means we may have to go through something hard in order to get there.

“Being With” is a strange phrase, and it implies stillness, exploration, moving deeper into an experience and maybe, acceptance. Whatever shows up is perfect. Nothing has to change in the moment. Just be curious about what is there. Until you recognize what you’ve been struggling to avoid, it keeps getting bigger until it controls and runs your life.

Do the Try It Out exercise below to help you determine what you can't be with

• What’s concerning you right now?

• What is it that’s hard for you to be with? Name it, own it and don’t pass judgment.

• Sit with where you are for a few days and continue exploring deeper into what is true, right now

"What we resist persists."

-Sonia Johnson