It's All In How You Look At Things

I have a client whose job entails contacting entrepreneurs and high-profile business people on a daily basis. At some point in the future, he is interested in starting a business himself. We talked about how seeing and hearing about entrepreneurs’ successes and challenges have been intimidating. Does he really have what it takes to get there? What kind of business would he start?

I found his thoughts interesting, because what I know of this person is that he is professional, well-liked and well-respected by the organization. He has also been publicly acknowledged for his contribution to the group.

Instead of looking at his current position as a source of “stress” (ie. How will I ever be as successful as these entrepreneurs?), I encouraged him to look for the opportunity. He has access to hundreds of successful people who like him! He can learn from these entrepreneurs about what they do, what their challenges are and how they overcame them. Maybe he’ll have the opportunity to partner up with one of these entrepreneurs in the future. Who knows what the possibilities are?

In our coaching, we took the original information and looked at it from another perspective in order to explore what is possible. It’s all in how you look at things. This is a technique called reframing, which can be a powerful skill in stress management.

We all reframe things on occasion, but learning to do it more consistently and with intention can help you manage frustration and disappointment. Why not look at disappointments as rungs on a ladder, on the way up?

For example, what if you’re told that you were selected as second choice for a position in a very competitive market? You can be disappointed and question your professional competence. Or you can reframe the situation as follows: “To be selected as second choice in such a competitive market indicates the high quality of my experience and expertise.” Which thought would you rather carry around with you?

Our stress doesn’t usually come from events or situations, but from how we interpret them. Things aren’t always what they seem. By changing the way we think, we can often change the way we feel.

Do the “Try It Out” exercise below to help you practice reframing.

• Identify a situation that’s upsetting you right now

• Look for any positives, benefits or opportunities by asking yourself:

• Is there another point of view I can take?

• What can I learn from this?
• Is there anything funny about this situation?

• Ask a partner, friend or family member on how they would reframe it. Brainstorm interpretations!

"When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us."
- Alexander Graham Bell