Asking for Permission

I was planning a trip to L.A. to see some girlfriends. We were flying in from different parts of the world for a few days of fun, rest and relaxation. No one was bringing their kids.

But it was eating me up. How could I be near Disneyland and not take my three year old? Even though my work allows me to spend lots of time with my son, the working mother in me felt guilt! In weighing the pros and cons, I knew he wouldn’t really enjoy Disneyland to the fullest (that big black mouse would probably scare him to death) and missing nap times to make the most of those expensive tickets would guarantee a cranky child and cranky mom!

After talking to my husband and family who assured me my son wouldn’t remember Disneyland at his age and that it was good for me to get away, I booked my solo ticket.

What’s this story about? Even though I knew what was right for me – a few days away from it all - I needed permission. Permission is a form of endorsement from other people. I wanted someone to give a blessing to a course of action that in my heart I wanted to follow, but somehow couldn’t allow myself to pursue.

Sometimes we need advice from an expert, but more often it’s permission from our loved ones, friends and ultimately, ourselves. To live our life vision, we need to get better at giving ourselves permission to choose what feels right and then act on it. This is not about acting selfishly, but about living according to our own values and priorities, not somebody else’s. Sometimes we give up too much of our lives to meet other people’s goals.

Whether you’re making plans for a vacation or making a career change, listen to your inner voice and let it guide you. Giving yourself permission will help you take more control of your life.

Practice asking for permission, it will get easier!

• Identify something you want to do (or stop doing) and ask yourself why you are stuck. Do you feel guilty? Do you really want it? Is it about what others will think?
• Whose permission do you need to move forward? Ask for their support.
• If you need permission from yourself, grant it on a temporary basis – a day, week, month or year – and evaluate the decision as you go along.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."

–Eleanor Roosevelt